In spite of It All, I Chose Me


 In life you have a choice, either conform to who “THEY” want you to be, Or ” Create” Who you are destined to be. In writing my book, I can not lie It has been several moments of me feeling like UH OH HECK NAW! (  In my real Texas twang) lol. I don’t know if i want to say that, or should i really discuss this because Im sure people will be misinterpreting and coming up with their own reasoning about the “WHY’S, WHEN’S AND HOW’S OF MY LIFE” ) LOL. But I remembered back to when I needed to release things

or say things or perhaps  just needed someone one to listen to me say out loud what I was feeling even when it was complex and confusing. I never had that. Not because no one cared, but because no one had gone through what I was experiencing, I didn’t want to hear a million scriptures or judgement. I just wanted to say what I was feeling, w/ no biased feelings. Just listen and let me figure it all out as i say it , confusing right? lol Well Its the truth, and the truth is so many other’s feel the same way. Misguided judged and forced into an inner prison. Well That helped me to come to the realization that Im not doing this for anyone but me. I will be that ear that many need, I will allow, my journey which i have learned to appreciate in more ways that one, inspire other’s to OWN who they are, and make right with who they are “IN SPITE OF IT ALL“. Is this a tell all? NOT AT ALL. My book will not be a tell all, because why should i tell all, why should I discuss things that are not meant for everyone. Somethings that occur in your life should be for you, and your personal journey and I am in no way wanting to or attempting to maximize on every aspect on my life. Somethings

are just not everyone’s business, especially when most likely they will not understand it anyway. However My book will definitely include a wide range of experiences, and thoughts I have had, or have regarding several things in life. I am writing a book that will not only inspire others but continue to inspire me.  You see, My book is like an open letter or rather a compilation of letters to myself, as well as chapters filled with advice and open dialog about many topics. I call it my open diary to my younger sister’s all over the world who have so much to say and so many questions to ask but have no one to talk to or ask. So this book will definitely be the sister they never had. People always ask , BMichavery, how do you have the ability to remain so humble and unmoved by life. Truth is , I am humble because i know all i had to go through to be here. I know all i have endured, lost and gained, so In remembrance of the journey i have no choice but to be grateful. Is everything perfect NO. Do i want it to be, NO. Because whats a world with nothing that tests your outlook on life and people. I love evolution however being honest, evolution is NOT easy. Sometimes we want to hold on to things we should let go of, sometimes we want to show our anger and frustrations, sometimes we want to experiment and try different things etc.  But how often do we not do what we feel, because of what other’s will say or how it will affect others? So the beautiful thing about evolution is it allows you  to live a life full of errors and misconceptions even when the world condemns your for it.  By the time i was 21 I had lost a best friend to a car accident, a friend to suicide, another friend to murder, had 2 miscarriages, lost a father, lost my husband to prison system, amongst so many other things, but i couldn’t stop. I had people looking up to me, and looking to me for their sanity. So everything i felt and needed to remain sane I had to hold within & figure it out. I lived the now glorified ” Gangsta Girl” lifestyle, which is not all that glorious may I say. Yes its constant money, amazing rewards of material things, crazy amount of respect or FEAR shall I say, connections galore but you are always looking over your shoulder, preparing for the worst and on guard at all times. One thing I know is true, ONLY the strong survive. I learned the value of LOYALTY, RESPECT, POWER, AND SUCCESS.) In a short amount of time. But inspite of it all I CHOSE MYSELF. That didn’t mean I didn’t love my husband, but i couldn’t fight a battle called the justice  system or be a wife to him until I learned the value of SELF. Many think oh he went to jail you were young why did you stay? HA. Well our relationship definitely is complex, you see We have been together since i was 12 years old. My best friend. My brother( figuratively speaking ), my confidant, my sensai amongst everything else. So it was not an option to leave. However we did separate for a few years. Its true if its meant to be, it will always come back, and not void.

Read More about My Life:

I found Myself. I fell in love with myself. I learned the value of putting myself first in spite of any one else. Betrayal, I’ve experienced it, hurt, pain, fear, lost of direction, anger, hatred, sadness, ive experienced it all. But I’ve also experienced, happiness, love, joy, excitement, and much more! It all balances out. But that goes back to the point, who in the world do you talk to about these things, without judgement, without them places their fears and expectations on you? Many have these same questions and feelings but have no one to talk to. They arent as lucky as me. Some self destruct or allow other’s to destruct them. Not me. I took control, I accepted who I am, and became ok that I am from a different world than many will ever experience. Many will never see life the way i see it, diversely, because they are too deep into the world they know. Im ok with that. But that box is way to small for me to fit into.

My journey to health & fitness: ok so you can imagine that through all of this, life was happening, and HONEYYY I was LIVING IT 🙂 But it began to show, I looked older,I could no longer beat my younger brother running( Who was now a star football player) and I was much bigger! SO eventually I said something has got to give, I was drinking alot, taking pills to feel “Higher” This didn’t last long cause of course I hate pills considering  my momma had to crush up aspirin for me to take until i was about 16 🙂 ( DONT JUDGE ME) , partying, eating horribly not sleeping  much working alot and battling life as I new it.  Then That scale tipped over! lol. I don’t want people to get the wrong Idea, Im not saying I was only focused on losing weight. NO. Im saying I had serious changes to make. Inside and out. It wasnt until later that I realized I needed to very much connect back to my core, so the changes i needed to make were efficient. Inside and out work was hard, but necessary , I lost friends, acquaintances, business partners and so much more! But I tell you this IT WAS SO WORTH IT! 🙂

Read more about my weightloss journey:

new Book “Letters to Myself- A young Girls conversation w/the sister she never had”-Coming soon!!


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